please get this if you can, āmilitary brats, legacies of life inside the fortressā by mary edwards wertsch. it changed my life. you wont read it without crying. it is us. i understand so much more now why i do the things i do / did
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Thank you for sharing.
There is no judgement here, you are free to express your emotions as you need brother.
Iād like to share part of the conversation on another thread, that lead to inspiration for thisā¦
As my amazing friend Tenga touched on earlier.
Some people are predisposed to chemical imbalances in the brain, causing depression, my Mother has needed antidepressant my whole life.
Good vibes, keep it green 
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Military brat here as well and served in the Army 93 to 98. Deployed to Bosnia in late 95. Thankfully no combat. I was a shit ass soldier. Heavy drinker because it was legal. I started smoking shortly after my return from Bosnia. By 97 I was in Colorado and started to smoke on the regular and experimenting with other drugs. By 98 I was chaptered out under other than honorable conditions 14-12c for coming up hot on a ua for marijuana a few times. At that time it was the only thing that helped me feel normal again. I stopped drinking all together.
Iām convinced marijuana saved my life. I never stopped smoking and never plan to. It took me a while to get there because of guilt and being illegal. Now at 46 Iāve accepted and no longer hide Iām a stoner. I guess you can say Iām a proud to be a stoner.
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i have never been a drinker, i was always a puker after 2 drinks. until now, i just discovered i like beer at 60. i have 1 and i go to sleep. people do not know/understand that military brats are " third culture kids" . my dads military service was 1959 til 1982. so for 10 years he was back and forth in vietnam. i feel like our government has let down all of its service people and ignored the mental damage they caused. brats forever
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@Silverback I have repeat a mantra in my head.
I release any and all resentment or attachment to the past, my former ways of thinking, my ex-wife, my mother, my father, I face the future wise, free, and unafraid.
Make a list, keep it to yourself.
- write down on paper everything you want to eliminate from your life, feelings, habits of mind, fear, etc.
- write down everything you want to manifest in your life- all good stuff.
- write down everything you are thankful to have/had in you life.
I read this book back in the early 2000ās and it really helped me.
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My dad was in Vietnam as well and very indoctrinated into the system. It wasnāt until retirement that he started being sour towards our govt. My dad also recruited for the second half of his 20 years. He sold the ARMY to a lot of young kids. I lived in the civilian world most of my childhood. I figured joining was my only option. My sister did it before me. More importantly I needed to spread my wings and fly.
Being an army brat, I find adjusting to new situations is a strong suit of mine. Being bullied is something I was good at handling. It stopped every time I was willing to throw a punch, which wasnāt often. Eventually I was a solid young chap and that stopped. But I learned to stand up for myself but at the same time always have empathy for others. I try to pull the beauty out of people. Itās amazing what staying positive can do for you. That doesnāt mean I didnāt still screw up now and again. Always got back up and continued to move forward.
Got stoned and rambled on for a while there. The point I was trying to make is our government really craps on our people, especially veterans and their families. They put them through so many life altering situations. Never to be quite the same person as before. Then throwing them back in to society to sink or swim. They never talk about the broken families.
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i am telling you i could have read that from a passage of Life inside the fortress book! so many brats have said the same thing me included!
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@Littleflowerbud
This is a get it off your chest and out of your mind, so you stop fretting about it Topic.
Talk it out with anyone that is listening, and believe me, People are listening, and posting. It really does help to talk about your problems. You donāt have to do this, but it might make you feel better.
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Book ordered. Thanks for all the encouragement everyone.
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@Enlightened420 @Littleflowerbud
Iām a very private person, so Iām not going to say anything thatās going to be to personal.
Hell yes I am, because I need to. Since age 5 my Dad beat me with his fistsā¦and with anything else he could get ahold of. Ever since my Sister was born and almost died from seizures, he turned against the rest of the family. I started smoking pot at age 6, I had older friends that had sympathy for me, and would just give me weedā¦ when I came to them, Bloody, and seeking shelter. He would beat me and my oldest Brother. All we would have to do is say something to the Bastard, and heād be ready to rip us apart. No, Dad didnāt drink, he was just heartless and cold. I hated him with a purple passion. I laid in bed many times at night listening to him snore, and the thought would come to me, to just go slit his throat and be done with itā¦and if it hadnāt been for the damage that would have caused my Mom, I probably would have. I started lifting weights when I was 13, I was getting sick of being beat on. I was also being bullied in school, and I was going to put a stop to that too. And I did, at end of school at bus line up, here came the bully, he shoved me, and I broke the bullies nose, had blood gushing. I hit him so hard, it broke 2 of my fingers.
(Middle and ring finger) Me and the bully became friends after that, and he started taking up for me. (Major turn around.)
My Mom would always break up the fist fights between me and dad. Yes, I always got bloody, and the worst end of the deal, untill I was about 15. I HAD HAD ENOUGH OF HIS BULLSHIT!!! I beat the Brakes off my Dad. Broke his nose, blacked right eye, knocked 2 teeth out, and broke 1 of his Ribs. Dad had to go to hospital. My Mom kicked me out the of house cause that one. So there I was, 15 years old, kicked out of my home,
and no place to goā¦ Needless to say, I didnāt go back to school. I spent the first week in the woods, with just the clothes I was wearing. Nothing else, no food, no water, no shelterā¦ I told my older friends what happened, and they said, we are sorry, but you canāt stay with us. Well at least they gave me almost a quarter bag of weed and a pipe, and I talked them into buying me a 12 pack of beer. I was going to get wasted. Went back to my spot in the woods and got tore up.
During the course of 1 week, I smoked a bag of weed, drank 12 pack, robbed a garden for food, and got Fracking rained on twice. Towards the end of the first week, I was hopelessly lost in my own mental anguish. Nobody cared, everybody that I asked to help me, said no. I was done, nothing left to give, nothing left to gain, nothing left to live forā¦I couldnāt live this wayā¦ I was finished. All doors was closed to me, with no seen avenue of escape. I knew I couldnāt live in the woods the rest of my life, and robbing peopleās gardens for food. So I came up with a suicide plan. I waited until 1 certain older friend went to work, I broke in and stole his 22 pistol. I fully loaded it, and went back to my spot in the woodsā¦ Smoked my last bit of weed, stuck the 22 to my temple on my head, and pulled the trigger 3 times.
3 misfires - then I aimed the 22 away from me and fired all rounds. I broke down and bawled like a baby. I knew it wasnāt my time to die. I left and threw the gun into a pond. Then went to my uncles house, not telling him what I had done, I convinced him to let me stay. I lived with my Uncle until I was 18. During that time, I got me a fast food job and saved my money. At 18 I became a furniture factory worker, and got me a place of my own. I have always had to Fight for life, because my life sucked.
I have fought a good fight because Iām 49 now, Iām married, and have a place of my own. So I can say keep fighting, there is a way out, even if it donāt seem like there is. Now, Iām a Survivor. Now you heard my very unpleasant lifeā¦oh 1 last thing that Life has done to me, it gave me a Brain injury, now Iām disabled.
WHAT A RIDE !!!
Stop the World, I want off this Ride. Yeah, I do feel a little better now. Thanks
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@Enlightened420 first off I want to thank you for tagging me into this topic, a lot of these stories truly hit home with me. Thank you to all of you who have round up the courage to share your stories with us. I myself have battled with addiction and other issues. To everyone who has shared before, I feel your pain. Youāre not alone, weāre here for you.
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@Littleflowerbud
Iām sorry for your Kid losses, Sister. They say time can heal all wounds, but I donāt see how time can heal this one. Iāll keep you in my thoughts and hope, joy and peace for you. 
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@BetrayedSoul
Hey, in this aspect, you are like meā¦ So with perfect clarity I got what you meant, because I do the same thing.
Oh, and I stopped drinking in 2009. You right, wasnāt that hard to stop, once I understood why I needed to.
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@draco1. Nice to see a fellow traveler. Our lives very similar. Godspeed brother
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Children are for loving, treasuring, nurturing, appreciating. . . .not beating. When a child is beaten they absorb more than physical blows, they absorb the message that they are worthless. I was beaten too, sometimes for no reason at all. That worthless message causes a lifelong struggle. Its like its under my skin and I cant wash it off. I raised 4 kids, never once hitting, smacking, spanking or beating them, NOT ONE TIME. Did I spoil them? Hell no. I was very strict. I used time out and loss of privileges when they needed some lesson reinforced. I also talked to them. Explained to them acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
Why would u wanna role model to a child that violence is an acceptable choice for solving an issue?? Have u seen those parents in the grocery store smacking some little kid while sternly saying āstop hitting ur brother!ā
U cant strike another adult, u cant beat ur spouse, but its somehow ok to hit ur children?? Wtf
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Oh boy does anyone ever really knowā:thinking:
All I know is if they got some crazy awesome alien 
bud I got dibs on some 
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