@yinyang @Oldguy i found what u guys said to be extremely helpful, uplifting, thought-provoking. Ty so much for sharing.
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It wasnāt you FYI. If you do see something just flag it and weāll be notified.
One day at a time, brother. Your family needs you whole.
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Iād like to share my grandmotherās party trick. My grandfather was the chief of police so my grandmother had to attend a lot of parties but didnāt want to get drunk so sheād get 1 martini and have the bar tenders refill her glass with water, so sheād have a glass in her hand all night and take sips whenever but stay sober. If the martini olive doesnāt do it for you root beer or ginger ale would probably also work.
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I myself spent most of my life trying to control my drinking. In 1973 I found my first of many trips to inpatient treatment at the age of 20. I was able to stay sober 3 weeks I was out of the Army only about 6 months. I picked up a drink after that 3 weeks and didnāt put it down again for 6 years I woke up with a wife and 3 kids and a business in bankruptcy. Booze really had me My friends and I at the bar were drinking Crown Royal my kids were drinking powdered milk. That was my first of many what you would call falling off the wagon Experiences. I have had many many 1 year stints of sobriety and 15 years of sobriety a few 3 years a few 5 years I will say every time I pickEd up a drink 
in time I was either homeless and alone or very close. My last bout ended with me working every day at my 30 car used car lot and realizing I only had 1 car left and I was living in it at the lot no money and a bank looking for either 15 cars I financed with them or $85,000 cash or certified funds. That was 6 years ago. I finally figured out it is that 1st drink that will kill ya!! And you canāt stop. Drinking with a drink in your hand. I will tell you life was always much better sober drinking is really hard work. I hated the how what where and when I still have it but I donāt care Iām not sick and shaking or under arrest. Life is good.
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Thank you for the tag @Enlightened420
As dark as life may seem, an infinite light shines for us, a spark of infinity fills the sails of our spirits, and we must learn ways to embrace that connection, we are not alone. We have to let the spirit of infinite love, life, wisdom, spirit, and soul fill us, releasing the other metaphysical, emotional, poisonous splinters of lifeās former injuries. An infinite source of healing energy flows through the universe and welcomes all who embrace its comfort.
I canāt control who gets elected president of the U.S.A., how long someone I love will live, or if world war 3 starts, I can only control my attitude in life, I own and radiate my attitude. The better the attitude, the better energy I radiateā¦the more enjoyable I am to be around, the better the energy I attract too.
An attitude of gratitude works best for me.
Cheers everyone.
Iām watchingā¦
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This is such an amazing idea for a thread! Im in! Ill definitely be watching this thread closely and hopefully sharing too
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I think you and I are very similar my friendā¦ very similarā¦ 
im a little youngerā¦ but the pattern is the sameā¦ eventual destructionā¦ as you know alcohol scares the shit out of meā¦ the powerlessness I feelā¦ the illnessā¦ shakesā¦ the last time was all planned outā¦ just a small farewell to alcohol because my depression had fallen so lowā¦life had gotten a bit hard, it as alwaysā¦ didnāt go wellā¦ 
BUT im on the wagon again 3 weeksā¦ the beginningā¦ againā¦ always againā¦ 
but what I love being on the wagon is how empowered I feelā¦ how I actually have control of my lifeā¦ now can deal with the depressionā¦
thanks for sharing buddyā¦ this thread helps a lotā¦ 
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Getting drunk is easy getting sober sucks I never want to go through that again. I donāt have another recovery in me. I remind myself daily how good I have it today and how lucky I am
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Each one of you are Heroes in my eyes, I have been monitoring from the shadows, several times I wanted to comment, but I chose not to, wisdom is generally found in silence, only in silence can we hear our true inner self. Some call it intuition, some the voice of God. Whatever your beliefs, different individuals have different struggles and deal with their battles differentlyā¦
You are all empowering each other, in a positive and constructive way.
Even though it is difficult to talk about your issues, each time you lighten your own burden, each time you share your demons, you retake your power, your true power. The Power to BELIEVE in yourself, the power to disperse negative, destructive, poisonous thoughts and cleanse your consciousness.
I have a saying, that I use regularly; Good vibes, keep it green.
I will now elaborate what this mantra means personally to me.
Good vibes - Self explanatory, nothing but pure, positive vibes.
Keep it Green - Green is a peaceful, harmonious colour, representing LIFE.
Keep everything green - your thoughts, control them, donāt allow them to control you. Your thoughts control your emotions, your emotions control your actions, your actions manifest your present reality. Therefore, keep your thoughts green, your emotions green and your world green.
The more your practice, the easier it will become. In time, with effort, you will be able to silence those destructive voices, as you will become their Master, the word STOP has as much power as you believe it does, if your mind is stuck in a negative loop.
Command it to STOP, every time a voice starts, command it to STOP, then think about the opposite end of the scale.
You know those taunting voices;
-
Just 1 more drink wonāt hurt.
-
I NEED to win back,
what Iāve lostā¦ -
I am worthless,
no loves meā¦ -
I would be better off dead,
no one would miss meā¦
Polarise your thoughts;
-
I donāt NEED to drink.
-
Gambling is not the answer to my happiness.
-
I AM WORTHY OF LOVE.
-
Suicide is not the answer,
what I am feeling is a storm,
it will pass, the Sun will rise and tomorrow WILL be a beautiful day.
Good vibes, peace be with you 
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Well said brother, well said!
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Life is a continuous education if you pay attention. Itās just another day if you donāt. I try to learn something positive every day and remove a negative. I ask my grandchildren what they learned today and tell them to learn something new every day. They look forward to telling me what they learned.
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Love it.
I had my last drink of alcohol in the 4th quarter of 1999, i had to quit everything, I have matured and grown as person in many ways since. I started medicating with Mary Jane again when they legalized growing it.
Iām was a bad drunk, however, I am a stellar stoner.
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I know that voice well my friend.
I empathise with you
We are with you brother
Bravo my friend, this is the 1st step, what a huge leap.
My dear Sister,
my heart aches for loss, but my spirit soars at your immeasurable courage to continue on.
Me to brother
My apologies if I canāt respond to everyone, if any of my Gromies have issues they would specifically like my help with, please tag me, I will endeavour to share my love with ALL.
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Words to live by. 
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Thanks for the tag 
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Took some time to read through and I must say that this thread is one of the many reasons why I like this forum. The courage you guys and gals have to share is admirable. I hope everyone can keep this thread going as Iām sure many can relate to or know someone who is dealing with something related to this.
Depression, anxiety, alcoholism all real and possibly worse with whatās going on in this crazy world. Thanks @Enlightened420 for a great place for people to be real and unafraid and hopefully get a little relief from the daily struggles that come with all these illnesses.
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@Capt.Cola where have you been my friend. Happy to see you posting. Hope all is well with you and your family.
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Thanks for the tag. As many here know Iāve had a rough year or so of dealing with depression and worsening health. I never really put much thought into how much mental illness can cripple you until i was dealing with it myself. My anniversary for breaking my back is coming up in a few days. Itās a day that changed my life forever. And in the past 18 months Iāve lost both grandparents and been to more funerals than i can count. Iām still not 100% mentally but everyday I keep trying to improve it. A lot of doctors visits and finding new doctors has been a huge help. Not to mention LOTS of cannabis!
I may not be on here everyday but I check every few days. If anyone ever needs someone to vent to feel free to tag me. This place has the most amazing people on the planet here. Iāve said it before but thereās nothing we canāt accomplish by working together. And that includes helping to raise each other up when one falls down.
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Sorry for the hard times my friends, thank you for the beautiful words
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