WOW! Almost sounds identical situation with us in many aspects with the exception of alcoholism on hubby’s side. The alcoholism is on my side. I came close but for the Guardian Angel 
on my shoulder & a wonderful friend. Was it Steppenwolf or who that said “never take anything your spirit can’t kill?”
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You got it @SmoknGranny I remember when I went on a little trip down to IU and found that album. I’m thinkin’ that my parents never actually listened to the words or that would not have been in my stax!!
You know I smoked a lot of grass
Oh Lord I popped a lot of pills
But I never touched nothin’
That my spirit could kill
You know I’ve seen a lot of people
Walking around with tombstone in their eyes
But the pusher don’t care, ah
If you live or if you die
God damn hmm the pusher
God damn hey I say the pusher
I say God damn God damn the pusherman
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Thanks my friend! That was probably a life saver for me and others who actually listened to the words 
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@FreakyDeekie @SmoknGranny I remember the album. Havent heard it in years. Was one of my favorites back then. Will have to look online and see if I can find a recording of it. hehehe…crap…got my bird crawling on my shoulder at the moment and he is having a field day chewing on my ear. he is a crapp…my mind is going…hate getting old. Doesnt matter, not a full parrot will think of it shortly. Bigger than a parakeet for sure.
Anyway, he is my bud. Likes to crawl around an nip at me…way of him kissing. Gentle nips…cept if I make him mad. Has drawn blood then. Had him about 4 or 5 years. Got another one I raised from a hatchling. He is about 18 years old now. And acts it. Cant handle him by hand any more. Gotten very mean for some reason.
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Possibly a Parolette? Not sure of the spelling 
I associate that song with very fond memories of being a 17 year old GI child bride living in Germany. We lived off base in a small apartment full every weekend with friends smoking hash.
Exhubby & friends were Paramedics and the Vietnam War was still going on. Many GIs returned home via Germany. And some didn’t make it home from there to home due to suicides. So that’s a bittersweet song for me. There’s more to the story but I’m feeling no pain right now and getting weepy eyed from the ones we lost. I was a volunteer at the dispensary and my job was to just talk and listen.
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@SmoknGranny in the 60’s I was in the UK. military brat. Traveled Germany quite a bit though. 70’s I was army and was in RVN for part time then Japan and on the Panama zone. Was a combat medic intitially. Not a fun mos. Never got shot over there but saw way too much stuff. Still have bad dreams. Suffer from PTSD. Too many memories. Even those from the US. Too much of the hands in the shit, so to speak. Had gone into nursing but just couldnt handle it any more. Wasted a few years of schooling. Went into electronics and computers.
Ended up quiting that and became a farmer. More to my speed and able to forget stuff or helped not remembering. Dealing with animals is spirit calming for me. About the only thing that helped me. Why I have the birds now. Dont have the farm any more, wish I still did. But got enough acrearge 2 acres enough for a couple of goats and chickens. Gong to get things going come spring. Last 2 years just fighting the mental shit and pain so havent done much.
Hopefully with this grow will help settle some things and can start to live again. I need to live again and have my animals again.
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I wish I could give you a hug.
Animals are great healers as well as growing things. We can’t change our pasts but we still can change our present and future. MJ is part of that for me. I’m honored to share that passion with you and many others I’ve met here my friend 
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@SmoknGranny Me too my friend. I could use a bunch of hugs. And am honored too to be getting to know you and the others here. It has actually helped me mentally. I was close to ending it just before starting my grow and joining here. Why this grow is so important to me. If I was to lose it…dont know what I would do. My family doesnt seem to understand, they try I guess, but they havent gone through what I have. Having your hands in someones guts trying to keep their insides from coming out and similar. Got too many memories like that and worse. Even from stateside.
Ahhhh shit. Got me thinking too much. I think right now though I dont like to drink, think I am going to hit the bottle. Only thing I got right now. You have a good nite my friend.
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IF something should go wrong with the Grow you will put on your “big boy” pants and try again🙂 but I don’t think that will happen. We are here to support each other and learn. The side effects of the friendships made here are a bonus. Please know that you (and a few others here) have lifted me up more times than I can count.
Please take it easy with the drinks 
I rarely drink anymore other than on my Birthday as I can easily slip into making it daily habit again. Been there done that and my older body doesn’t rebound as quickly 
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I call raccoons hump backs. Used to think they were cute till i saw one going over the fence with a kittens leg in its mouth.
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@SmoknGranny I took it easy. Been so long since I drank, took two shots of the big T and I was out. Sorry for getting down like that on ya. Been a while since, well, got flooded with memories like that. Well, enough of that, dont want it to happen again.
Just got to say thanks to all for just helping me stay up and level. The friends I have made here though far in distance have become close. Thanks.
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@Laurap Yea, I used to think they were cute too. Until they started raiding some of my ducks. Last time I saw one it was stalking some ducks in my pond on the farm. Grabbed my 22mag and at a pretty far range popped him in the head. That one did get any of my poultry again,
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I’m a lightweight now also. Sure not the 99 pound dripping wet gal who used to drink most big men under the table!
AND no apology needed. I’m here for you anytime!!! I’m sorry but glad you trusted me enough to let it out. WE are Good my friend
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Yep. I hate raccoons since finding kittens ripped in half. Don’t get me started LOL I love country living and seeing all the wildlife. I understand the circle of life and the natural order of things, but the raccoons here and I are at war!
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Im with you baby girl! Hate those bastxxds!!!
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GRRRRR My outside cats are semi feral and they do their jobs at keeping the rodents at bay. In exchange I do feed and water them along with a heated cat castle. Mommas have their kittens here on my deck and then I get attached to them. I couldn’t shoot the raccoons without blasting a hole in the deck😡
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@bob31 I found out one of the problems with my OGKush. The damn lite was too close, and it was as high as I could get it. The top leaves were getting burned. That lite was just too strong. It was my new one, so switched it out and put it the other tent and shortened the cables for now but am going to rework the hanging cables that cane with it. They are too long. Going to make a new setup. Got a temp fix for now in the other tent. So my top leaves are damaged, hopefully they wont get worse now. And they were on the largest bud area. Due to the nute problem it disguised this. grrrrrrr. oh well, i know now. That lite is really hot. Going to make a rheostat for it so I can turn the intensity down on it. Way to hot for older plants.
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@SmoknGranny Dont have any outside cats right now. Had a couple, but my nazified neighbor who thinks we should all do what he says, kills them. At least that is what we figure. We had a cat running here and our neighbor across the road had one that visited us all the time. One day, werent none. This not long after our bad neighbor complained about the cats running around and getting on his vehicles. He is the nosyfied neighbor as well.
@SmoknGranny hehehe, my ex was like that. She could drink alot of men under the table. Seen her many a time come home and pour a drinking glass of vodka or rum and drink it like she was drinking water. I am talking at least a 12 oz glass. FULL. And go for another when she finished that. And she was the same as you but maybe a bit smaller…about 90 pounds. She gained weight one time and got to 108 and you couldnt tell.
Thanks for being there for me to vent some… And understanding. 
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Always
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