Ask vs Tell; Dealing With Unsolicited Advice

So, for a bit of context about me, I live in a state where legal growing landed within the year. However, this is not my first rodeo with it, one could say. Some decade back I had Considerable Exposure For Reasons™. My friends all know this. They even want me to pursue the business licensing outside of personal cultivator because of that. And yet, even still, I have Stereotypical Nerd Dude Friend That Googled A Few Things Now That He Doesn’t Think The NSA Will Swat Him or some nonsense constantly trying to give me unsolicited advice.

And like, it’s not even good advice. “Well I talked to (Friend’s Friend) and (random nonsense about chlorine or calcium)”
“Yes, (Friend’s Friend) uses hydro, the advice is nonapplicable, the only thing I have to care about is ph, and even then not as much. I had to start with cheap dirt that was available, it actually helped early before I got better nutrients.”
“But (more random opinions from moron who understands nothing and gets obsessed with chlorine)”
[dialup noises]

2 days later, he’s back on about the MF’in chlorine again. I’m like “My guy she does hydro I do dirt, they are two entirely different arts, get this through your head.”
“OK fine. Yeah I did I’m totally listening to you. So anyway I thought I’d start and then leave my water outside to evaporate out the chlorine-”
[aggressive eyetick] “Are you using hydro?”
“No you know I don’t have the money for that.”
“I… am trying… to not shake you. With my mind.”

Or “I don’t think you should be topping the Fat Bastards.”
Me, already at the origin of my sithlord origin story after 3 months unsolicited advice from this man. Smiley Face. :slight_smile: “I’m curious. :slight_smile: Based on what.”
“Well (Friend’s Friend) said”
“Yes, that usually low stress training can accomplish anything topping or FIMing can, in theory, but this strain is so bushy it’s trying to smother itself and already has incredibly trunk like stems even when short so I’m trying to both maximize its canopy and ability to breathe because at four weeks their stems are already tree trunks while a foot tall. My guy, shut up.”
“But Friend’s Friend-”
“LOLLIPOPS HER PLANTS YES MAN I KNOW.” [rips open tent and will smiths at a bunch of lollipopped BBK and Blueberry.] “FRIEND’S FRIEND ISN’T SPECIAL.”

I just. Is anyone else dealing with this? Beyond just blocking this moron out of contacts and life has ANYONE found an answer to the overnight genius archetype and making them leave you alone? I’m considering charging him a consultation fee at this rate because he’s now convinced himself he can wander in and get “A pound per plant” on 90 day auto no matter what me or “Friend’s Friend” have told him, while saying he wants “as little input as possible” and doesn’t even want to bother with scrogging or general LST, “he might do the lollipop clipping at the end.”

Because worse, I HAVE tried to educate him. I’ll be like OKAY, so seedling, veg, bloom. Standard timelines and how to flip, photoperiod vs auto. I try to talk about PPFD and hear whistling noises between his ears just to get “WELL FRIEND’S FRIEND HAS-” YES, MAN. A MARS HYDRO 3000, I KNOW. MEANING SHE CAN GOOGLE BRAND NAMES EFFICIENTLY FOR POPULARITY BUT DOESN’T REALIZE THE SPIDERFARMER EQUIVALENT ISN’T JUST CHEAPER BUT HAS BEEN SIDE BY SIDE TESTED FOR BETTER RESULTS MY GUY.

“Geez, I’m just ASKING.” no dude, every time, you’re telling me what Friend’s Friend says. Then you start whining that you thought I’d have stuff to smoke at my place in 90 days because Friend’s Friend does 90 day grows or whatever, and you got that stuck in your head, while I’ve gone on about the weeks I try to hit closer to square meter canopies as on the sites for better yield and stuff. Or ways I use cheaper lighting methods for my resources since I’m neither rich nor an actual business grow right now. And this all. In one ear. Out the other, then DURHUR I JESS ASKING.

How. How do I make them understand either the difference or at least when to shut up if listening isn’t an option, I’m about to chew my arm off.

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Welcome to the family. You found this place, maybe you could help your friend of a friend find a place like this to point them in the right direction.

Welcome aboard.


I would say yes. But you also don’t understand this guy. He is literally bottom of the effort barrel. He once made a 3 week long lie just to avoid filling out a spreadsheet, like adventures of narnia level. He also managed to fail to read directions on how to make iced tea four times. And then poured boiling water into a glass container to steep in that instead of the teapot he boiled it in. After failing to read the pitcher he just ordered’s directions that said no hot liquids. Or the reviews. Or instruction box. And was shocked the thing exploded almost instantly, and tried to blame Amazon and demanded a return. (This man is 43.)

I have linked him to this site in general already, I browsed long before I engaged. When he had the opinion “they should be bigger” at 4.5 weeks I brought up handy dandy grow timelines, I’ve sent him links, and so on. He at best scrolls pictures and headlines. Zero attention span.

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So sorry you are having issues. We are covert state, legal or illegal, i dont want friends of a friend knowing i have a grow period.


I have a small house. It’s kind of hard to miss.
Even for him.

Howdy Mosca
You got that right.
One of my relatives was notorious for telling other peoples business, always followed by the line …Don’t tell anyone I told ya…I would bark at him, why the hell you tellin me for. :roll_eyes:


Mood. Uh, real talk, I basically live and work out of an extended stay motel and am just very keep to myself. Upside, I don’t have to worry about HPS bill costs rofl. Ironically most of the people who even live here don’t know aside from my most immediate neighbors, but this guy’s come by a few times when I was getting moved in and um. Yeah. It’s a 12 x 12 main room with a 4 x 8 tent, it’s. Hard to miss.

Amen to that Shit no body needs to know what’s up

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It’s funny how them people operate ain’t it?


So that you know to pray for them. :crazy_face: :rofl:


@Starky sometimes “you” need to know when to quit. If you are trying to help someone and they are not picking up what you are laying down, just be done with it. The extra energy and aggravation is not worth it. Using a forum as an example with a catch phrase in Dory’s voice, “Just keep scrolling, just keep scrolling.” Do you and let all else fall to the wayside.


That goes back to the old horse and water story…

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I think that may be my fatal flaw. Maybe it’s the 'Tism but I have a hard time letting things go, but also letting people go. I felt bad for the guy in life outside of this because he’s um. You know that meme of the middle aged white guy who just sucks at everything but thinks he can do everything but runs the second he runs into mild resistance or the shocking idea that he isn’t automatically better at everything around him? So I’ve tried to help him find a niche or something, but it just keeps getting worse like [points up at the tea making story]


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Just say, “Hey bro, you give me one more bit of BS advice or I hear the words Friends Friend and YOU ARE NEVER SMOKING ANY OF MY TOP SHELF FLOWER!”

Keep it simple

Playing devils advocate here, chlorine and calcium could both be significant to your grow in soil. Chlorine is put into municipal water to kill bacteria, both good and bad. It could potentially kill your microbial life in soil. And calcium is required micronutrient for cannabis that often needs to be supplemented in soil grows.

This doesn’t mean your friend wouldn’t be annoying lol. I would just tell him that sink or swim you’re going to do it on your own terms and you’ll ask him for help if you get to a point where you’d like it.


From the way it sounds, anyone who’s ever witnessed a child make a common discovery and then hound their parents to “look look look”, will recognize this. My grandkids always try to tell me something they think I don’t know. But some people grow up less than others, and there’s not much you can do, but pacify them. Sometimes you just gotta be the grown up, and kindly tell him how it sounds like he has it all figured out, and you can’t wait to see his grow.


No. No devil’s advocate. It was an educated decision. I had to self treat fill dirt and the chloride and calcium was part of the decision process. No. It was an active part of ongoing soil amendment on a budget after my old house was raided with bullets and half my supplies gone. I had none of my nutrients, a single deconstructed tent, half my lights, and a mountain of fill dirt and soil constituents. I did not, in fact, need to worry about the chloride as the soil was empty of any at all. If you’d like to see the bullets I dodged hiding behind a desk, we can do that.
I’ll be frank. I started in illicit grows. End of story. Long before anybody had fancy schmancy brands they all referred to each other. I am used to accounting for the city water’s properties as calculated amendments. So again, no, unsolicited advice without context. You guys spend $100 in extra nutrients. I take shelter somewhere and learn to use my available components.
Once you can get a 90 day grow to drop you 8oz~ average on timberline dirt then we’ll talk, but until then, no.

To even point out why Exactly This Mindset is the problem, since I can’t even edit my other post, you guys would freak out and implode if you heard I let my dirt sit in the rain before bringing it inside. No, I chose to let it build its own myco biome in literal fill dirt landscapers use where nothing is expected to grow just to catch spores that thrive in the local environment before mixing it in with other local mosses and whatever else I could forage up. I do not rely on brand names. I do not need them. I tend to grow in conditions the average hobbyist on here would crap their pants over and have dispensary owners in two states getting my grow journals going “holy sh*t.” I literally do not need random advice from the outside. I do not. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. My use of chloride, iron, calcium and magnesium from my pipes was intentional. My use of “ruined” dirt was intentional. My use of a lot of things were with intent people here just would have their brains implode trying to comprehend while they freak out about their ppms that they still need to observe the plant reactions on anyway. I’ve used friggin. Ketchup for answers before when my vinegar was out and I was immobilized. Truly. I do not need the random opinions because someone is assuming everyone started with overprepped dirt to begin. The stuff in my pipes is literally the only reason my plants were alive for the first month before I could recover my supplies.

Hey Starky,

I could tell you about buying a lot of grow supplies off a gentleman off Craigslist. I was only only after the tent to use for drying. When I showed up he kept saying “I thought you’d be a dude” and then mansplained how to grow. I just smiled and hauled all the items up from his mother’s basement.

When people talk down to me I learned to say thank you for bringing that to my attention and slowly back out of contact or just go ghost.

I also reuse my old soil. Let it sit outside all winter and spring and let the snow or supplemental water keep the micro life going. I reamend in the spring. Next year will the 4th year with the soil I have built. No longer measure pH or PPM.

Stay strong friend!


You, I like you omg. I like you lots.
You’re speaking to the resident ancient trans man who dealt with all of that. Per my illicit grow comment, between that and the weed, the amount of times I got “wait, YOU’RE (street name)?” looking around like they got the wrong address. “Why is your dirt sitting outside that RUINS IT” or the like omg. You. I like you. I’ve almost ragequit these boards to be honest because I feel like the spirit of ingenuity like this has been lost to who can get the most recommended light or solution, and if you don’t, you must be a cuck. It’s honestly infuriating. Not even just to me. If I see one more Mars Hydro recommendation towards a clearly broke startup grower I’m gonna eat my ARM. Yes his light is garbage but also yes it’s Enough if you learn the output at whatever height in a space as small as he has.

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